the one with the creepy holiday card

so tonight i took a study break from path and watched 1/2 hour episode of FRIENDS!!! it was the best. i watched (per the title of this post), "the one with the creepy holiday card." every time i watch this episode i laugh so hard at the parts where ross and mona are talking about their relationship. i feel like it is SO typical guy/girl talk. i'm posting as much as is relevant to their hilarious conversation below.

[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Ross are there as Mona enters.]
Mona: Hey! (To Joey) Hey!
Ross: Hi!
Mona: Hi! Look! I got our pictures developed from Rockefeller Center.
Mona: Okay. Okay, here’s a good one of us.
Ross: Wow! That is a good one! Wow, it looks like a, like a holiday card y’know, with the tree in the middle and the skaters and the snow.
Mona: Y’know, every year I say I’m gonna send out holiday cards and I never do it. Do you wanna, do you wanna send this one out together?
Ross: (pause) Together? Like-like to people?
Mona: Yeah, y’know. Happy holidays from Mona and Ross. It’ll be cute, okay?
Ross: Okay. (Not happy about it.)
Mona: Oh, I gotta get to work. So call me later?
Ross: Uh sure, sure.
Mona: Bye guys.
Phoebe: Bye.
(Mona exits.)
Joey: (To Ross) Congratulations! You just got married!
Ross: I know. Can you believe that?
Phoebe: Wait, I’m-I’m sorry. What’s the big deal about a holiday card?
Ross: Married couples send out cards, families send out cards, people who have been dating for a couple of months do not send out cards! What-what is she crazy?!
Joey: Hey-hey-hey, hey that’s your wife you’re talking about!

[Scene: Ross's Apartment, there’s a knock on the door and he opens it to Mona.]
Mona: Hi!
Ross: Hey!
Mona: Hey, I went by the photo shop, take a look, here is a mockup of our card. What do you think?
Ross: Huh. Wow, this is great.
Mona: Now, do you think it should say, "Love Ross and Mona?"
Ross: Well, we-we haven’t said that to each other yet, but I guess its okay to say it to other people.
Mona: How many did you want? I’m getting a hundred.
Ross: A hundred?! Well, I-I guess I’ll take a—Mona, uh…I-I’m not sure about the whole uh, card thing.
Mona: Really? Why not?
Ross: Sending out a holiday card, together, I mean I just don’t know if we’re really quite there yet.
Mona: Oh y’know, I didn’t think of it that way. You’re right. You’re right. So, can I ask you a question?
Ross: Yeah.
Mona: Where are we?
Ross: Huh.
Mona: Y’know, like where are we? Where is this relationship going?
Ross: Hmm…
Mona: I mean I love spending time with you, y’know I just—I hope we’re moving forward. I mean, we should probably talk about that. Don’t you think?
(Pause.)
Ross: Let’s do the card!
Mona: What?
Ross: The card! I think we’re there!
Mona: Okay. I—But I think we should still have this conversation.
Ross: Really?! I mean, even with the card?


Ross: (entering) Hey!
Rachel: Oh hey! Hey Ross! Hey how’s it, how’s it going with you and Mona? Are you guys still together?
Ross: Oh yeah, yeah we’re moving forward. You’ll be getting our card!
Monica: You and Mona are doing a holiday card together?
Ross: Yeah, we’re not just doing a card! Y’know, she-she also wants to have the conversation about where the relationship is going.
Phoebe: Ugh! Women!
Ross: I know! I know! Why do you guys need to have this conversation?! Huh? I mean no self-respecting man would ask a woman, "So, where is this going?"
Rachel: Uh Ross? You asked me that.
Ross: Hey! You were a closed book! Okay? I’m not a mind reader! Besides, I hate those conversations. I’m horrible at them. Really! Maybe-maybe I need kind of a gesture. Y’know, something that says we’re moving forward without having to talk about it.
Monica: Like asking her to move in with you?
Ross: Smaller than that.
Monica: Making her a mixed tape?
Ross: Uh, bigger than that.
Phoebe: Give her a key to your apartment.
Ross: Whoa-hello! We were closer with the mixed tape.
Monica: All right. Have you said, "I love you?" You could say, I love you.
Ross: Yeah I-I don’t-I don’t think I’m quite there yet, but I could say I looove spending time with you.
Phoebe: No, we hate that.
Monica: That is a slap in the face.
Ross: Forget it. I-I—Y’know what? I’ll just have the conversation. I’ll just say I like things the way they are, and hope for the best.

so i leave you here, to watch the rest of the hilarity ensue, via youtube.




[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Ross is telling Rachel and Monica about yet another mistake he’s made with a woman.]
Rachel: You gave her a key to your apartment?!
Ross: Not just a key, I gave her the only key! I am now a homeless person in a very serious relationship.
Phoebe: (entering with some guy) Hey. Ooh Ross! How’d the conversation go?
Ross: Oh great, I live on the street.
Phoebe: Where?! (Ross exits.)

[Scene: Ross's Apartment, a locksmith has finished changing the locks on Ross’s door.]
Ross: Okay, and oh I’m gonna need a bunch of extra keys. Apparently I give them away for no reason at all.
Mona: (entering) Hey Ross, what’s going on? You changing the lock?
Ross: No. That guy is.
Mona: I don’t understand. You-you give me a key to your apartment and then you change the lock.
Locksmith: Good luck buddy. (Exits.)
Mona: Umm, I-I thought we were moving forward and now you’re-you’re sending me all these mixed signals. What are you trying to tell me?
Ross: I’m trying to tell you I made you a mix tape.
Mona: What?
Ross: I love you!
Mona: Ohh! (Hugs him.) And I love spending time with you. (Ross isn’t happy.)