the "slump."

everyone has days where they feel like they're in a slump. if i am being honest, i have had more than my fair share over the past...well, few...months. and if you know me, you know that when i'm down (and i guess when i'm up, too!) i think a lot. it's exhausting.

God has been teaching me a lot though, so this is a summary of many of the things i've been trying to figure out lately (yeah, that's a lot of stuff), things i've been praying about, things my heart has really been dwelling on, and things i want to write like 328 separate blog posts on, but don't have the time to write that much or to think enough to fully develop my thoughts...

love- what it means to love someone versus care about them or be in love with them. how do i love like Jesus loves. are we ever called to stop loving or to give up on loving one another (because i've never been taught how to do that one- and if God IS love and we are made in his image, is that truly possible?) how do i show love to others who don't know Christ, specifically if they aren't people i would normally encounter.

life- experiences i never dreamed i would have. surprises God has thrown in along the way, ways he has provided for me, strengthened me and all around surprised me by lifting me up when i needed him or reminded me of his presence in my daily life. reflecting on the past year, i can't imagine that i am the same person i was last fall. my hope is that i'm no worse for the wear, only stronger in my relationship with Jesus and that through my relationship with him, he has taught me more about myself.

decisions- how do i make decisions in accordance with God's will. what are the consequences to others and myself when i make them ignoring his perfect will. that's where the slumpy days definitely come into play, and today God showed me how selfish i was being by letting myself be down for no good reason. when i was in a bad mood today all i thought about was me. but that's not what it's about. how can i call myself a Christ follower when i go through the day thinking about my own pain, my own problems, putting myself at the center of my own universe instead of God? the cause of my problems is me, not God. my problems arise because i don't heed his advice, and i break his heart in the process, in my disobedience and every time i turn my back. why do i think about my heart instead of God's? who do i think i am?

faith- noticing more and more that it's not easy being a Christian. Jesus never said it would be- and if you look at his life, or the lives of any of his disciples, that's as clear as day. rather than asking how many of them suffered for Christ, you're better off asking, were there any of them that didn't suffer for Christ. how many of them did not die for him. i'm not educated enough on that to actually know the answer, but i think a couple, if any. what does it mean to be in a relationship with Christ vs. following a Religion, and where is the line of demarcation.

time- small revelation that anything in the world that i place in importance above the Lord is idolatry. anything. that means family, friends, recreation, church activities, pursuit of a spouse, even a cute kitty named mia. in all my life, God Himself must come first. (notice i said church activities, because i know all too well from college that spending time in "godly activities" and on "godly pursuits" is so not the same as spending time with God!) how do i know if i'm placing him first? look at where i am spending my time, my money, where is my heart. what are my motives. why am i going to church, why am i going to that specific fellowship meeting, etc. am i going to people watch and make friends, or am i going to worship and praise God, to spend time with Him and Him alone. am i going to that meeting because i feel God is calling me to minister in that area, or because my friends all go to that one. what would i be involved in and where would i go if i was the only one to attend? it's always ironic to me that he knows my heart better than i do, and i don't know why.

so for final thoughts, i'm reading through Isaiah right now and though i'm only on chapter 14, i "randomly" flipped to chapter 40 three days ago, and it said everything i needed to hear. i find it just incredible that nearly all of God's attributes and the fullness of his character can be presented in just one chapter!

Isaiah 40
(my summary)
God is sovereign. he is in control of our lives. he is gentle, loving and watchful. he takes care of us. he is so great he spans the heavens, can measure the water of the oceans in the hollow of his hand, lift up islands like they are just dust. we are insignificant. a breath of air in the span of lifetimes. there is none that is great enough to even be compared to him! not even compared. he is that great. he created the earth- thus any offerings we prepare for him are meaningless, they are of him- what use does he have for them. we are nothing without him, but with him, in him and through him, we are made strong, we can endure and we have hope.